Let Me See That Thong!

by Jes

It's late August, and the news is slow...

This Canada/Russia Summit Series Jr... is anyone paying attention?
Yeah, Canada is up 2-0, and Lucic is Captain, but *yawn*

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Your woman wants sex, and you want hockey...
Compromise with this special hockey-themed thong.



Great. Now I got that Sisqo THONG SONG stuck in my head, again.

"Put it in the net, will ya?"

Somehow, this doesn't really get me going ...

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Some Hockey Jokes for ya ...

"What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?"
"Look, my teeth spell out 'I love you' in block letters!"
"My other stick curves to the right"
"So this guy says he hates hockey players because they have no tact and are easily distracted, so I ... Hey! Babe! Wanna do the nasty?"
"Bagy, yrrr so beurdiffle dat I feel I can be nacheral wif yoo."
"You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things."
"I said, 'Would you like a PUCK?'"
"You know, less teeth means more tongue!"
"I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Lorraine."
"I only drool when I'm standing upright."
"Hi, I'm Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?"
"Well if I can't score, can I get an assist?"
"Tho ... What'th your thighn?"
"C'mon baby, the iceman cometh ... but never too soon."

---

Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."

Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."

Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."

Input Sought: The Top 36 Hockey Players of All Time

by Jes

Joe Pelletier, the Legends of Hockey Blogger, is asking for input on the Top 36 Hockey Players of all time.

Now, I can barely rank my favourite Spice Girls, let along hockey players, but I can provide SOME input. Perhaps some of you can as well, so leave comments here or over at Joe's site.

Here is a sample list he provides ...
"

1. The Pantheon - Gretzky, Lemieux, Orr. One could make a good case for any one of these gentlemen to be in the #1 spot, but nobody comes close to these three players.

2. Gordie Howe - Mr. Hockey is a definite #4. Longevity, dominance, and forever changing the way the game was played by introducing the Power Forward concept.

3. Tretiak and Kharlamov are out. The only evidence we have is the games they played on a loaded 'amateur' Russian team against the rest of the world. I realize that this list doesn't have to be exclusively NHL players, but I don't believe there is sufficient evidence to show that these two belong. If we are to add Russians, I'd be more comfortable with the likes of Fetisov and Larionov (Though he is far from the Top 36 of all-time).

4. The list will be skewed towards the current generation. Not only do we have more familiarity with the players of the past 20 years, but the NHL, and hockey world-wide, has expanded over the past 2-3 decades. There are simply a lot more skilled players to choose from.

5. Rank the positions first, and then combine them. If you think Patrick Roy is a better goalie than John Vanbiesbrouck, than Roy shouldn't be behind the Beezer in your master list.

6. I can scratch off a few players easily from the list above: Chris Chelios (good, but not nearly one of the elite), Ted Lindsay (great support player, but not one of the very best), and Bob Clarke, who is notorious and nefarious, but not at all elite.

7. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. If you make a Top 10 or top list of anything, you better not have any doubts about something belonging there. If you feel that Brett Hull shouldn't be there, automatically scratch him off.

8. Ranking the goalies first, I'd go with Hasek, Plante, Roy, Dryden, Hall, Brodeur, and Bill Durnan.

9. Defenseman? Orr, Bourque, Lidstrom, Harvey, Potvin, Coffey, MacInnis, Stevens, and Red Kelly.

10. Forwards? That's a bit too busy for me, but I would consider Bryan Trottier and Pavol Demitra ;)

Once that is done, start combining and formulating your lists. Everyone has their own opinion, so hardly anyone will agree on the same list of players.

Some Summer Stat Hunting

by Jes

With James Mirtle (whose ass I am going to kick in online Scrabble) going on a bit of a stats-posting binge, I'll jump in with a few bits and bites of my own.

DOING IT THE HARD WAY
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Scoring points at even strength and short-handed is a LOT harder than scoring on the Power Play. There were 4 players with 20+ points that scored nary a single point on the man advantage. The winner? Bates Battaglia, the comeback kid who scored all 31 of his regular season points at even strength. Samuel Pahlsson, the defensive god, was second, and his buddy Rob Niedermayer was also an all-even-strength kind of guy with 16pts.

PLAYER           POINTS    EVEN-STRENGTH %
Bates Battaglia     31          100%
Samuel Pahlsson     26          100%
D. Afanasenkov      21          100%
Dan Hamhuis         20          100%

POWER PLAY SPECIALISTS
----------------------

Just who relies on the Power Play for their offence? Guys like these tend to rack up more points in the long run because they get the good ice time. I wouldn't count on Battaglia to do so well in 2008.

Not surprisingly, most of the top gunners are defensemen, as they hold back during even strength, and then get the chance to let loose with the man-advantage.

PLAYER          POINTS       PPP%
Rob Blake          34        76.5      
Sheldon Souray     64        75.0
Sergei Zubov       54        74.1
Tom Poti           44        72.1

Among forwards, greedy Michael Ryder, he of the 1-year contracts, was the most 'enhanced' forward, with 34 of his 58 points (58.6%) coming on the Power Play.

THE CRAIG LUDWIG AWARD
----------------------

Anton Volchenkov led the NHL with 273 blocked shots, 45 more than second place Jason Smith, who had 228. Niclas Havelid was a surprise third place with 225.

Among forwards, the winner was ... Blair Betts??!! with 98, good for 101st place overall.

A RETURN TO THE 84-GAME SEASON?
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If you saw a lot more of Sean Avery than you wanted to, blame the schedule maker and his trade to the Rangers. Avery led the NHL with 84 games played, 2 more than the 82 scheduled.

HERE'S A GIFT FOR YOU
----------------------

Jaromir Jagr, who hogs the puck as much as anyone to ever play the game, led the league with 126 giveaways. Jason Smith had the dubious honour of finishing second with 109. Now, I understand why Jagr would have a lot, but Smith? When your defensive stalwart is giving away pucks like that, you are in serious doo-doo.

ROD BRIND'AMOUR = FACE-OFF KING
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We all know Rod "the Bod" Brind'Amour is great on face-offs, and the stats bare out his mastery.

# of face-offs taken = 2047, almost 300 more than second place Mats Sundin
% of team face-offs taken = 43.6% (Second place was Sundin at 37.5%)
% of face-offs won = 59.2%, second only to Yanic Perreault, who was his usual deadly self with 62.8% (!) of draws won.