Super Tuesday Smatterings

by Jes

I know, I know, another off-topic bunch of ramblings. I'll get back on topic in my next post. I'm just in the middle of a case of the Hockey Blahs.




So, we had Super Sunday, and now Super Tuesday. Poor Monday was just 'regular', which is fine only if you are an old man who doesn't eat prunes.

Why do Amerikans have to draw out the electoral process for an entire year? Why not just have a Super Week of these primaries and get it over with? That way, we can see people vote for their favourite candidate, and not just the one with the momentum.

One reason why the Amerikan economy is in the tank: TOO MUCH SPENDING! The gov't spends way too much money on a silly occupation, and ye olde typical Amerikan spends way too much money they don't have on crap they don't need. The level of gov't and individual debt in the USA is already starting to have a major effect. Couldn't you all see it coming? How can Amerikans keep increasing their debt load?

Meanwhile, how many of the candidates have actually had some concrete ideas on stimulating the economy?

*crickets chirping*

No, it's all SPEND SPEND SPEND!!! Until politicians realize that debt is BAD, the Amerikan economy will continue to tank it like the pre-Mario Lemieux Pittsburgh Penguins.

Speaking of spending, the amount that each candidate spends on simply wanting to be the damn Presidential candidate is sickening. Over $100mil per major candidate? That's all SOFT money that could be much better spent on something more important. Instead of, you know, putting homeless people into shelters or trying to develop cleaner sources of power, you get these assholes spending millions on TV advertisements. Yay for helping people.

Don’t expect any real change. Sure, Hilary or Obama winning it all would be a major coup in terms of getting someone other than a rich white man as the President, but it's not going to CHANGE ANYTHING.

Remember what happened with the last political dynasty? Exactly.

Does Obama ever take a hard stand on any topic? No. Strip away the gloss and glamour, and you get somebody who really doesn't bring much to the table. What would he do, really, that is so much different than any other president?

Do you really think any of these candidates won't be a slave to corporate interests? Puh-lease. Once any of these guys (or girl) gets in the Oval Office, they will be the puppet of the masters that got them there.

The candidates with a real mind for change (Edwards, Kuchinich) were promptly disposed because ye olde Amerikan people can't handle change.

One thing that never changes: People prefer style over substance. Hilary sheds some crocodile tears, and suddenly people vote for her? WTF? Are people that easily bought off by false emotion?

The average IQ of a Mike Huckabee voter? Probably 69. Anyone who votes for a Baptist minister who doesn't believe in EVOLUTION isn't fully qualified to be a member of the 21st century. What makes the average Huckabee voter different than an Islamic goat herder from Afghanistan? Skin colour, and not much else. I guess it's no surprise that WEST VIRGINIA voted for the guy, given that the state still thinks The Civil War will be re-fought within the next 20 years.

The fact is, none of the candidates seems truly equipped to deal with the truly most important issues facing Amerikans today: The Economy, the Environment, and Britney Spears' mental health.

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Wayne's World! Party Time! EXCELLENT!

Our Southern Correspondent chimes in with his Super Bowl thoughts.

1. I don't get the fuss over whether Bill ("Mr. Warmth") Belichick left the field too early on Sunday; if you look at a replay, the clock had originally hit 0:00, until a second was put back on the clock...Anyway, he did shake Coughlin's hand, so what's the BFD?

2. Do we really need a flyover of Air Force jets over a domed stadium? Come to think of it, do we need a flyover AT ALL?

3. Normally, I would've been rooting for the Giants, but I was pulling for the Patriots just to shut up those bitter old bastards down in Miami...I can't tell you the hatred I've had for the Dolphins for the past 36 years (it's a long story)... (Jes: I agree)

4. It's been 50 years since there were two teams in New York called the Giants; can we (especially The Worldwide Leader) stop using the damn term "New York FOOTBALL Giants"?

5. I know it's glamorous to give the game MVP to a QB, but I would've given it to Jason (?) Tuck for the Giants, or the entire Giants D; Strahan played like Tom Brady was his ex-wife's divorce lawyer...

6. Remember the old joke about the definition of "mixed feelings" was seeing your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car? Think how Giant fan feels today, when he came THIS close to getting rid of Tom Coughlin...

Stupor Bowl: So Much for a Person Season, Eh?

by Jes

So, it turns out last night's Super Bowl set a ratings record for the event as millions (and millions) of The Rock's fans tuned in to see if New England could pull it off.

Well, we know they didn't do it, and the Giants pulled off the upset. Thus, the 42nd Super Bowl will not be as special as it could have been. Think about it: If New England wins, everyone talks about the PERFECT Super Bowl and the PERFECT Patriots. Since the Giants won, it's just a nice upset, but that's it.

The New York Giants' thrilling win over the New England Patriots was the most-watched Super Bowl ever, with 97.5 million viewers, Nielsen Media Research said Monday.

The game had almost all the ingredients Fox could have hoped for: a tight contest with an exciting finish involving a team that was attempting to make history as the NFL's first unbeaten team since 1972.

But the Giants ended New England's bid for perfection, 17-14. Throughout the game, the teams were never separated by more than a touchdown.

Fox is owned by News Corp. The average price of an ad was $2.7 million for 30 seconds.

Now, many will state that the 'cheating' New England Patriots got what they deserved. As much as I don't condone the cheating, I have to laugh at people who think the New York Giants, or any of the other NFL clubs, are pure and white as snow.

How many NY Giants are pumped up on steroids, HGH, and other lab-produced chemicals? Do you think other clubs don't pull some FBI tactics out of their ass? C'mon, we all know that every NFL club will cheat as much as they can get away with.

The game, itself, was the usual boring NFL brand of football we've all come to know and hate. Little offense, little flow, and a lot of low-yardage plays. Take away the final play of the game, and what do you get? Exactly.

It was quite interesting and kinda 'WTF?' to see the Patriots offensive line just completely pwned by the Giants. Did Brady not feed his boys enough KFC? You could see Tom Brady was just hella frustrated the entire game, and now we have the TOM BRADY "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!!" FACE.

How did Eli Manning get Super Bowl MVP? C'mon!!! The guy did nothing for 8/10 of the fricking game!! Strahan and that Tuck guy were having their way with the Patriots' offense. One of them should have easily walked away with the award.

At first, I was kinda laughing at the NFL for getting Tom Petty for their half-time show, instead of somebody a little more relevant and current. Then, I realize that I appreciate the fact that they went out and got a little quality, rather than some air-brushed 'star' that we'll forget about in two years time. Petty isn't a HUGE name, but the show they put on was pretty solid.

Don't feel sorry for Brady, I'm sure he got plenty of hot supermodel ass after the game.

I'm willing to bet American women would pay six figures for some of the sperm from Eli and Peyton Manning's father's loins.

Super Bore Sunday

by Jes

Yes, I do watch the Super Bore, if only because nothing else better is on while I do some of my emailing/Scrabulous/homework, and because I like to bitch about pop culture.


Besides, I need something to take my mind off of the Canucks' total suckage as of late. Losing to crap teams and constant injuries leave the Canucks dangerously close to missing the playoffs. *sigh*

I am rooting for the Patriots, in as much as I can in a "I don't really have a dog in this fight" kind of way. I'd love to see them have the PERFECT season, shut up those old Dolphins, and let us witness something rare and incredible. That, and Tom Brady is dreamy.

Us Canadians don't get to see those 'cool' commercials. Yes, our Canadian channels play Canadian commercials. Companies don't even bother trying, and we see the same 10 commercials throughout the whole game. It makes me want to skin a beaver.

Those 'cool' commercials aren't usually that great. A couple of winners, and a whole lot of losers. If you are a college frat boy with an IQ of 55, you'll like the commercials. For the rest of us, we'll forget them 3 seconds after we see them.

In an unrelated note, I was saddened to see Brock Lesnar lose his UFC debut. I think he might have that fight in the bag, but he made a very bad rookie mistake. I hope this doesn't stop him from trying again. Brock just needs to earn his stripes and get some actual in-ring experience.

I'll always be scarred from the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Not that seeing a human breast freaks me out like those Fundamentalist assholes in the US of A, but Janet Jackson's 'breast' is something you'd expect as a villain in a horror movie. That, and Janet Jackson's waxy face makes me want to have a bulemic discharge.

Super Bore Sunday means little hockey news.

The great thing about tomorrow? No NFL for months!!! Sure, you'll hear about the commercials for a day or two, but then we can go back to not caring about the NFL.

Besides the betting, I still want a good explanation as to why the NFL product is worth watching. It's not like we're seeing the cheerleaders go down on each other.

Tomas Plekanec rules your world.

Worst. Song. Ever.
The Super Bowl is Gay

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