Canucks Post-Mortum

by Jes

It was a good thing that the Canucks/Flames game was on Pay-Per-View, since I didn't have to witness the Canucks choking away another must-win game by failing to score more than a single goal against a weaker team.

It's also good that I've long been at peace with the fact that the Canucks weren't going anywhere this spring (other than golfing), so I didn't have much of an emotional investment in our city's professional hockey country club.

So, last night's loss booted the Canucks out of the playoff picture, and I barely flinched. Meh, nobody is really surprised, except Dave "No Action" Nonis.

Given my heavy workload with my CMA and actual day job, I haven't had time to worry so much about what the Canucks should do this off-season. There will be time for that, later.

In the meantime, we are lucky enough to have the Giants to cheer for, and I can always leap onto the Penguins/Crosby bandwagon. Wouldn't it be sweet if the Pens and Caps met up in Round 1?

Since I don't feel inspired to write much more on this day of mourning, I figure I'd let my girlfriend, Aurian, have a crack at the blogmike and air out her thoughts on this wasted season

---

Well, looks like it’s about time for the Canucks to put down their hockey sticks and pick up some golf clubs.

Can`t say I am surprised. Last year’s Canucks seemed to specialize in winning game after game at the last minute. This year’s Canucks’ speciality is blowing games and falling apart. Last year, they were buzzed at having a top-tier goaltender in the pipes and played their hearts out. This year, the Luongo buzz is over now and the team obviously expected the goalie to do the work for them.

Sorry, but even Louie can’t score goals.

The defence was decimated by injuries all season long, and did pretty well considering some games we only had 3 regular d-men in the line up.

The forwards? Well, you didn`t really expect Pettinger and Ibister to fix last year’s scoring issues did you? I don`t know why Nonis expected that. Sure, he rolled the dice and got lucky with Pyatt, but c’mon, you can`t expect to get lucky every time. The Sedins? Yeah, you try scoring when the other team knows all they have to do is dog pile two guys and you effectively take away the Canucks’ offense. Its sad when one of your team’s top six scoring leaders is Burrows (no knock on the guy, he`s an awesome find).

I have no idea why Vigneault kept leaving Linden out, given that the team seems to play better when he is in the line up. With all those overtime games lost, if we had Linden, our most reliable clutch guy in the line up on those nights, we might have squeaked into the playoffs.

You know something though? I`m glad they`re out of the playoffs. You heard me right. This team just couldn`t put together any string of wins lately, played stupid and listlessly, couldn`t seem to get any urgency going and I`m glad that they and the fans have been put out of their misery.

This team had some nice building blocks at the beginning of the season, but all Nonis did was sit on his thumbs and hope for the best, despite the clear lack of scoring. I am glad he did not trade away big assets during the trade deadline because by that point I honestly did not think the team had that something that made it appropriate to gamble for a Stanley Cup run. We could have lost Edler, Kesler and other important pieces for a future team in order to rent Brad Richards (bet the Stars love that fat contract now *snark*). The time to get the pieces should have been before the season started. Ibister? Richie? C`mon, it was clear we needed some scoring, dammit!

So the ‘Nucks are out. If Nonis does not do anything to fix the ongoing problem in the offseason, the fans will probably break out the pitchforks and boiling oil. Or being Vancouver, the pointy umbrellas and boiling Starbucks coffee.

Vancouver SUCKS!

by Jes

Oh, dear, the people in this city really are a bunch of numbnuts. Not only does Vancouver possess possibly the worst drivers in all of Canada, but the denizens of Lotusland often need a smack out of their apathetic stupor.

From Columbus Alive!

On our City Limits blog at ColumbusAlive.com, we've been writing a lot about Columbus' quest for some sort of marketable identity. So we couldn't resist this telling tidbit, reported by Tom Reed in Saturday's Dispatch:

Ken Hitchcock's most humbling moment as Blue Jackets coach came in this radiant city on the Pacific Coast [Vancouver, British Columbia].

Hitchcock was trying to clear Canadian customs last summer when the agent asked him his occupation. He told the man he coached the NHL franchise in Columbus.

The agent grew suspicious and countered by saying, "There's no NHL team in Columbus."

I wonder if the agent was joking. It's almost too funny to be true. Sheesh. If a Canada Customs agent doesn't know there is a hockey team in Columbus, then they should be fired. Seriously.

If you want to purchase a housing unit, do NOT come to Vancouver. Seriously, we don't need more people here. I wish about 400,000 of you pointless morons would pick up and move to Toronto, or Alberta.

The average price of a house is nearing the million dollar mark. With ever-increasing amounts of homeless people on the streets of this 'fine' city, it's just sickening that housing continues to get more and more expensive.

DO NOT MOVE HERE!!! GO AWAY!!!

Ohlund might be out for the remainder of the season with bone chips in his knee. Lovely. As if the season wasn't already in the toilet deep enough as it is. Might as well push in the plunger all the frickin way. Who do I cheer for in the playoffs? Boston?

Some good news for once: CanWest is losing readers for it's daily papers in Vancouver. For those who don't know, our two major newspapers (yes, both of them) are owned and operating by the same evil corporate empire. They also own many of the major dailies all across Canada, and pollute the paperwaves with more crap than FOX affiliates.

The two CanWest MediaWorks daily papers in the Lower Mainland, the Vancouver Sun and Province, have lost more than 100,000 "read yesterday" readers between them over the past year, according to the newspaper industry's own research.

The Newspaper Audience Databank's 2007 survey, which was released yesterday, showed that 77,600 fewer people reported that they read the Province on the previous day (dropping from 491,600 to 414,000).

The five-day cumulative readership of the Province (people who picked up the paper once during the previous five days) fell from 805,1000 to 747,700 over the year.

What's to love about CanWest?

1. How about the fact that they kiss so much right wing ass that even Karl Rove would say 'Whoa, slow down, solider!'

2. Centralizing articles from a 'CanWest news service'. Rather than actual investigative reporting, we get a bunch of vanilla articles written by faceless writers in Hamilton. Where is the local content?

3. The obsession with cars and housing. Huge chunks of the paper are simply devoted to housing and new cars (DRIVING and DRIVING 2, wtf?). Since when are newspapers supposed to be shilling for these two industries? I buy a newspaper to read NEWS. If I need car information, I'll buy Auto Trader or some such magazine.

4. To that add, don't expect a whole lot of actual news content. Like many papers that don't see the light, corporate papers tend to focus more on 'infotainment' than news ... so we get meaningless news about celebrities and stuff that really doesn't matter, rather than actual news about stuff that affects our lives. We don't need this soft-serve BS.

5. How many of you BCers have read much about the Basi-Kirk trial? Probably very few. The BC gov't is involved in organized crime, drugs, and other illicit activities relating to the sell off of BC Rail, but the two CanWest dailies never touch the story. Why? because, it would hurt their right wing asshole pals.

HAHAHAHA!!!

My poor girlfriend still pays and reads this junk. The only good thing about these CanWest papers are the comics. Even the sports coverage sucks, and is polluted with far too much Tony Gallagher for any reasonable fan to bear.

A man from India comes to Canada with a forged passport, and then suffers a stroke, costing our taxpayers hundreds of thousands in medical expenses.

Instead of booting the guy back to India, the Canadian civil servants, who haven't done an honest day's work in their entire lives, just keep letting the guy stay in the country, rather than ship him out on the first plane back to Mumbai.

Look, his time is up, he's lost his appeals, and he has no right to keep sucking up our resources. If there are people putting up a fight, get out the nightsticks, tasers, and pepper spray. Let them pay for obstructing justice.

To the Indian/Sikh community that supports this asshole, stop being a bunch of racist morons. Really, would you be this supportive of a Polish or Spanish immigrant who pulled the same stunt? Of course not. You only care because this guy is 'one of you', and want to stick it to the evil white man.

The fact that there is a protest group called "No One Is Illegal" speaks greatly to how far we've allowed ourselves to be pushed in the sake of political correctness.

So, we should just allow anyone into the country at any time? Great, let's flood our cities with 50 million people from all over the world, and have a whole bunch of chaos. Let's let everyone move in and freeload off of the taxes we pay without having to go through the same system (y)our ancestors had to. Really, if I were part of the Indian community, I'd be pissed that this guy got in the back door and weaseled his way into the country to freeload for hospital care.

Morons.

Seriously, somebody just bomb Yaletown, Point Grey, and Surrey.

Disrepecting a National Anthem? Puh-lease!

Some fans in arenas across North American like to have a little fun with the national anthems as they are being sung. Dallas Stars fans yell "STARS" during the American anthem, for example.

Well, apparently Washington Capitals' fans are having a little fun during the national anthem, and now the jingoistic prudes are getting all whiny about it.

Right here in our nation's capital, of all places, some people have a problem with the national anthem.

It's not with the melody and certainly not the meaning, but when the anthem singer at a local sports event gets to the line, "O, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave." For years now, some fans have been yelling "O!" adding the original exclamation point as Francis Scott Key wrote it and shouting with gusto and fervor.

O, how this practice irks other fans.

"It's something that's been bugging me for a long time," said Mike Rucki, a longtime Washington Capitals fan and co-founder of OnFrozenBlog.com, a hockey Web site that provides a forum for those of a similar mind. "Just because it's a tradition doesn't mean it's a good tradition."

Boo-frickin-hoo! I hope Mike Rucki gets his nose bitten by a bald eagle.

Tell me, again, why we North Americans bother with this national anthem nonsense before sporting events?

Do you sing the national anthem before office meetings, while standing at a bus stop, buying a latte from Starbucks, or waxing your carrot? NO! So, why is it normal practice to do national anthems before sporting events.

Hey, I'm there to watch men (or sometimes women) play sports. I'm not there to do a bad sing-a-long or pretend that I'm feeling all patriotic prior to a Canucks/Avalanche game. Really, if I want to listen to music, I'll buy tickets to a concert, or turn up my mp3 player. Get the game on already!

Riddle me this ... Do the Canucks really represent Canada? Are the Avs really American? Kinda hard to think of the Avs as representing the USoA when their stars are Slovak, Czech, and Canadian. Similarly, the Canucks are pretty hefty on the Swedes.

Disrespecting an anthem? It's a song! Anyone who ties a song closely with a country and their own personal feelings is just anal retentive. These are the same people who treat the flag as a symbol of holy worship, and think their whole identity is tied up in the country they happened to be born in. A song is an artistic expression, and open to individual interpretation. Travel back in time to the 1950's if you are interested in being a slave to the state.

Booing the anthem or swearing during the anthem ... those things are crass. Shouting "STARS!" en-masse is not. Tacky, maybe, but not crass.

Super Bore Sunday

by Jes

Yes, I do watch the Super Bore, if only because nothing else better is on while I do some of my emailing/Scrabulous/homework, and because I like to bitch about pop culture.


Besides, I need something to take my mind off of the Canucks' total suckage as of late. Losing to crap teams and constant injuries leave the Canucks dangerously close to missing the playoffs. *sigh*

I am rooting for the Patriots, in as much as I can in a "I don't really have a dog in this fight" kind of way. I'd love to see them have the PERFECT season, shut up those old Dolphins, and let us witness something rare and incredible. That, and Tom Brady is dreamy.

Us Canadians don't get to see those 'cool' commercials. Yes, our Canadian channels play Canadian commercials. Companies don't even bother trying, and we see the same 10 commercials throughout the whole game. It makes me want to skin a beaver.

Those 'cool' commercials aren't usually that great. A couple of winners, and a whole lot of losers. If you are a college frat boy with an IQ of 55, you'll like the commercials. For the rest of us, we'll forget them 3 seconds after we see them.

In an unrelated note, I was saddened to see Brock Lesnar lose his UFC debut. I think he might have that fight in the bag, but he made a very bad rookie mistake. I hope this doesn't stop him from trying again. Brock just needs to earn his stripes and get some actual in-ring experience.

I'll always be scarred from the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Not that seeing a human breast freaks me out like those Fundamentalist assholes in the US of A, but Janet Jackson's 'breast' is something you'd expect as a villain in a horror movie. That, and Janet Jackson's waxy face makes me want to have a bulemic discharge.

Super Bore Sunday means little hockey news.

The great thing about tomorrow? No NFL for months!!! Sure, you'll hear about the commercials for a day or two, but then we can go back to not caring about the NFL.

Besides the betting, I still want a good explanation as to why the NFL product is worth watching. It's not like we're seeing the cheerleaders go down on each other.

Tomas Plekanec rules your world.

Worst. Song. Ever.
The Super Bowl is Gay

Add to My Profile More Videos

Human Environmental Impact: It's no Myth

Allow me to get on a non-hockey rant as I go off on the topic of the environment. Inspired by a conversation with Wayne, our Southern correspondent.

The NHLPA recently signed an agreement with David Suzuki to go 'carbon neutral'. While I think carbon credits are merely a sham that allow people to feel guilt-free while polluting at the same time, it's definitely a good first step. It's about time that sports leagues starting noticing that the extensive travel comes at an environmental cost.

Now, there are those who claim that 'Global Warming' is a myth, CO2 is not a pollutant, and that humans really haven't damaged the environment all that much.

Sounds silly, doesn't it? Unfortunately, too many people seem to think this way, and that needs to change.

In the spirit of Glenn Beck (ugh), here is what I do know.

Yes, global warming and cooling is a naturally-occurring phenomenon, and this allows the 'deniers' to jump up and down and say, "See, it's not OUR fault". This is akin to saying breast implants aren't fake, because silicon is a natural element of our planet. Uh-huh.

So, stop using Global Warming, which is a very generic term, and think of terms of the overall pollution that humans generate. Oil spills and fish farms don't contribute to global warming, per se, but they certainly damage the environment painfully. (On another note, do NOT buy BC-grown farmed salmon. Kthx)

Do a little research and find out about the authors of these 'denier' studies. You will notice who funds their research. The Cato Institute is a big sponsor of such studies, and the oil companies are a BIG sponsor of the Cato Institute. None of the scientists who is a climate change denier is doing this on their lonesome because of 'good science'.

The fact is that we should NOT be using old technology for our automobiles. Why is that we can have cell phones that allow you to watch movies, and we've had exponential growth of technology in the computer industry, but we still use a combustible engine that was invented decades before we were born? Simply put, the gov't (taxes), oil companies, and car companies don't want us to switch. If somebody invents a cleaner technology, and many have, the cartel buys it up and locks it in a vault.

Occasionally, the cartel will let some new tech out of the bag, but won't put any effort into marketing the product, and wait for it to fail. Then, they can justify that 'nobody wants it', even though people do.

The movie Who Killed the Electric Car? has a great example of how people in California weren't even allowed to KEEP their new-tech vehicles because the car company wouldn't allow it.

Due to the taxes, capital cost, and high revenues, the Triad does not want us to have cleaner-burning fuels. All of their 'efforts' are simply PR bullshit that allows them to keep raping our environment while making huge profits. They'll hold out as long as possible as long as the general public remains apathetic and disinterested. People are too lazy to change their lifestyles, including YOU.

Let's face it, humans are a wasteful species, and create a lot of waste from their lifestyles. North Americans, especially, are the worst of the lot (I'm no exception). Think about what you consume and do on an average day. Think of how much packaging is required for your food and drink?

Fossil fuels? Plastic wrapping? eating food? Yes, those things require a lot of energy and resources, and then you have a lot of garbage left over. Think of the fuel that is needed to transport your milk, oranges, meats, and so on. The fact that anyone could claim that humans aren't environmentally damaging in their everyday lines is absolutely insane and delusional.

The worst argument is when the governments claims that being environmentally friendly will 'hurt the economy'. So, money, simply a tool for trade, is more important than having an inhabitable planet? Are humans really that greedy that they'll sacrifice the health of their environment for money? We know the answer, and it speaks to the human race's downfall. Just watch as your government does all it can to support the oil/car companies and stop any environmentally-friendly bills from being passed. Yet, all people talk about is the war in Iraq. Kinda shows you our priorities, eh?

---

Oh, kiddies, don't worry about the planet. Mother Nature will be just fine. It's been here millions of years before humans, and will be here millions of years after humans. It will adapt and survive.

No, you should be worried about humanity. Eventually, our species will help make the planet so unlivable that we'll eventually go extinct. The planet will simply watch as new life forms evolve, and probably be happy that it won't have to deal with being fucked around with all the time.

Erin Nicks, WTF?

by Jes

Erin Nicks is a cheeky writer, and rabid hockey fan, who has panned many an interesting article for the Ottawa Sun. She definitely ranks up there for underrated writers whose work you ought to check out some time.

Her latest piece, however, made me gasp just a little ...

I'm dealing with an unprecedented case of sports indecisiveness, and it's wreaking havoc on my household.

I'm not talking about Martin Gerber vs. Ray Emery, or whether Wade Redden should stay or go. Those dilemmas are a walk in a park compared to my problem.

I can't choose between the NFL and NHL.

One rarely has to worry about displaying allegiance to a particular sport, because the majority of scheduling allows for year-round gorging with little conflict. Unfortunately, this won't be the case for the NHL, NFL and myself for the next little while. Is it possible to make a clear-cut choice? Maybe not, but a little side-by-side comparison wouldn't hurt.

League vs. League (couch viewing): It's common knowledge that of the two, the NFL translates to television far better than hockey ever could. The NHL has shown a significant number of games in high-definition over the past few years, yet HD seems commonplace for football.

Let's get something straight, Erin. The NFL brand of football is, by far, the most boring sport to watch on TV of all the Big 4, and is on par with NASCAR for actual lack of brain stimulation.

The average NFL game has 3 minutes of talking followed by 5-10 seconds of action followed by 3 more minutes of talking, players walking around, etc. Big plays are few and far between, and most 'hitting' barely registers. The fact that any Canadian would possibly choose an NFL game over ANY NHL game should be cause for lobotomization.

It doesn't matter that the NHL might not translate well to TV (which always strikes me as a cheap cop-out of an argument), because the NFL is naturally boring, and would require showing naked lesbian mud-wrestling in between huddles to be even remotely interesting to watch.

So, Erin, or anyone, can you give me one GOOD reason why anyone should ever choose to watch an NFL broadcast over an NHL game?

To Erin's husband or boyfriend (if she's got one), be a real man and take control of the remote. It's written in law that no female should ever have control of the remote unless the male tires of it. Even then, the male should only grant such privileged access if it results in either a tasty meal and/or serious nookie.

Urge to Kill (Canucks) Rising ...

After the Canucks putrid loss to the Carolina Hurricanes earlier this week, coach Alain Vigneault ripped the Canucks' top forwards for being softer than a DQ Banana Split, and only half as tasty. Markus Naslund whined, instead of taking the blame for playing like crap.

So, the Canucks go into Detroit, and decide to roll over and play dead.

*sigh*

Trust me, the 3-2 score flatters the Canucks, who were out-shot 39-15 and were basically toyed with like a cat and a laser pointer. At no point did the Wings look like they are in any danger of losing their lead, and only Luongo's goaltending gave the Canucks half a chance.

Folks, this team is hella frustrating for anyone living in this city who doesn't cheer for one of Canada's other clubs. It's not bad enough that they are 2 games under .500, but they don't work hard, don't win faceoffs, and play a very boring style of hockey.

There aren't a lot of bright spots that stand out and make you think, "Hmm, maybe they'll turn it around like they did last year," other than the continual fine play of Roberto Luongo.

Time to vent a little ...

1. Taylor Pyatt - OK, you got a nice big contract. Does that mean you have to stop working? 2 goals, 0 assists, and -3 in 10 games of invisibility. Apart from his mascara, there isn’t much to this guy. I'm sure Sabres fans will say "I told you so", but the guy was actually useful last season. *sigh*

2. Markus Naslund - A poor example of a Captain, and someone who looks like they don't want to be here. 7 points in 10 games and a -6 is not what you'd expect from someone making uber millions, nor is the lack of effort. If Markus is wearing the C, and slacking off, then he's obviously setting a bad example. Instead of rising up to Vigneault's challenge, Markus basically said "Screw this", and decided to sleepwalk. Obviously, he doesn't like Vigneault and he's going to just pout about it.

3. Aaron Miller - Nice giveaway on the 3rd Detroit goal. I don't think Tomas Holmstrom has ever had an easier goal, even in practice. Miller, all too often, looks old, decrepit, and just plain overmatched. I understand that he's getting more ice time than he should be, but wouldn't the Canucks be better off with Edler?

4. Rick Rypien - Nothing against the guy, but he blocks a shot and breaks his finger?! Guy can't get a break. Even since his promotion, he's been one of the few Canucks that looks like they care.

5. SedinBots - Wake up! You are capable of so much more.

As for Detroit, I finally saw the empty seats for myself. It looks half-empty in the place, which is VERY weird. I know the subject has been beaten before, but it wasn't that long ago where you'd be swearing at the TV because some idiot at Joe Louis Arena was standing up and blocking the (low) camera angle.