Erin Nicks, WTF?

by Jes

Erin Nicks is a cheeky writer, and rabid hockey fan, who has panned many an interesting article for the Ottawa Sun. She definitely ranks up there for underrated writers whose work you ought to check out some time.

Her latest piece, however, made me gasp just a little ...

I'm dealing with an unprecedented case of sports indecisiveness, and it's wreaking havoc on my household.

I'm not talking about Martin Gerber vs. Ray Emery, or whether Wade Redden should stay or go. Those dilemmas are a walk in a park compared to my problem.

I can't choose between the NFL and NHL.

One rarely has to worry about displaying allegiance to a particular sport, because the majority of scheduling allows for year-round gorging with little conflict. Unfortunately, this won't be the case for the NHL, NFL and myself for the next little while. Is it possible to make a clear-cut choice? Maybe not, but a little side-by-side comparison wouldn't hurt.

League vs. League (couch viewing): It's common knowledge that of the two, the NFL translates to television far better than hockey ever could. The NHL has shown a significant number of games in high-definition over the past few years, yet HD seems commonplace for football.

Let's get something straight, Erin. The NFL brand of football is, by far, the most boring sport to watch on TV of all the Big 4, and is on par with NASCAR for actual lack of brain stimulation.

The average NFL game has 3 minutes of talking followed by 5-10 seconds of action followed by 3 more minutes of talking, players walking around, etc. Big plays are few and far between, and most 'hitting' barely registers. The fact that any Canadian would possibly choose an NFL game over ANY NHL game should be cause for lobotomization.

It doesn't matter that the NHL might not translate well to TV (which always strikes me as a cheap cop-out of an argument), because the NFL is naturally boring, and would require showing naked lesbian mud-wrestling in between huddles to be even remotely interesting to watch.

So, Erin, or anyone, can you give me one GOOD reason why anyone should ever choose to watch an NFL broadcast over an NHL game?

To Erin's husband or boyfriend (if she's got one), be a real man and take control of the remote. It's written in law that no female should ever have control of the remote unless the male tires of it. Even then, the male should only grant such privileged access if it results in either a tasty meal and/or serious nookie.