Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Sidney Crosby: His Crap Works!

by Jes

It's rather well known to my 5-6 readers that Sean Avery is one of my least-favourite players. It's one thing to be a pest, but it's another to be an annoying douchebag with few redeeming qualities. I would NOT want to be a teammate of Sean Avery, no matter how many goals he might score when he puts his mind to it.

That said, I have to respect the fact that he absolutely rocked the New Jersey Devils with his motor-mouth and some big goals. I didn't think the Rangers could beat the Devils, but combine Avery's pestiness with Brodeur's craptastic netminding, and you had the round's first upset.

The only way a bitch like Avery can win is if you acknowledge his presence and let him 'win' the verbal battles. Ignore him, and he'll grow bored once he realizes that you aren't going to play that way.

The New Jersey Devils, especially coach Sutter and Brodeur, were so fixiated on what Avery was doing that they were both extremely off of their games. Brodeur should have been much better than he was, but he was obviously flustered and too hot-headed to make the saves he needed to make.

Per Straight Up Sports:

Avery won the battle. He got the entire Devil team chasing him and going after him; leaving the likes of Jagr, Gomez, Henrik to do their thing. Even more irritating, Sean Avery had 3 goals and 2 assists in a series where he got the high holy hell kicked out of him. Not once did he retaliate, not once did he spear Brodeur BACK after one of several times Brodeur slashed and prodded him. The Devils, a lot like the Thrashers last year, seemed a lot more concerned with crosschecking, punching, and disgustingly, horse collaring people as opposed to actually playing hockey, and it cost them. I don't think this can be in dispute. Anyway, back to Avery.

He reads Vogue magazine. He goes to fashion shows. He paints his finger nails. He wears lame hats. He walks around like a hard ass. He spends $300 on t shirts. I'd bet I'll see him at Tonic East on Saturday Night wearing a pink popped collar shirt once the season ends. He probably cuts off little old ladies flying down the Henry Hudson in his convertible. He typifies everything there is to hate about the stereotypical New Yorker.
Yes, Avery took 3 minor penalties in the series, but that's about par for the course when he's around. He didn't get into any fights, and was generally good at not putting the Rangers shorthanded TOO often.

The Rangers next opponent would be wise to see just how much trouble Avery caused the Devils, and learn to ignore his wisecracks. Yes, it can be hard to resist slapping the shit-eating grin off Sean's stubbly face, but it has to be done.

The more Avery succeeds at getting under your skin, the more he'll crank up the volume of crap he spews out of his sewer mouth.

So, I will give props to Avery for disrupting the usually unflappable Devils so well, but I still want him to paralyzed by an anvil dropped by Wile E. Coyote.

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Wednesday's Wackiness

by Jes

My girlfriend sent me this photo of the Toronto Maple Leafs defense, and it made my day. As Homer Simpson would proclaim, "It's funny, because it's true!"



---

Meanwhile, the NHL grows a couple of hairy ones and comes down hard on Chris Simon with a 30-game suspension.

Hard enough? Hardly. Simon should have been gone for the season + playoffs. Now, if only the Isles would get rid of the thug once and for all ...

---

Over at the FanHouse ...

Aaron Miller scores his first goal in FOUR years! Sightings of flying pigs around Vancouver up 300%

Last night's 5-0 win over New Jersey was quite the pleasure to watch. I always enjoy seeing Martin Brodeur lit up like a rich man's Christmas tree, especially when it's guys like Miller and Linden blasting pucks by the man with the golden horseshoe up his arse.

---

Help us caption this photo of some ashamed Capitals fans. I know they don't have Crosby, but should Caps fans really be so afraid to show their faces in public?

---

Speaking of Sidney Crosby, he's no match for the power of the Canadian dollar. Sorry, Sid, but you don't make my eBay purchases cheaper.

Labels: , , , ,