Sidney Crosby: His Crap Works!

by Jes

It's rather well known to my 5-6 readers that Sean Avery is one of my least-favourite players. It's one thing to be a pest, but it's another to be an annoying douchebag with few redeeming qualities. I would NOT want to be a teammate of Sean Avery, no matter how many goals he might score when he puts his mind to it.

That said, I have to respect the fact that he absolutely rocked the New Jersey Devils with his motor-mouth and some big goals. I didn't think the Rangers could beat the Devils, but combine Avery's pestiness with Brodeur's craptastic netminding, and you had the round's first upset.

The only way a bitch like Avery can win is if you acknowledge his presence and let him 'win' the verbal battles. Ignore him, and he'll grow bored once he realizes that you aren't going to play that way.

The New Jersey Devils, especially coach Sutter and Brodeur, were so fixiated on what Avery was doing that they were both extremely off of their games. Brodeur should have been much better than he was, but he was obviously flustered and too hot-headed to make the saves he needed to make.

Per Straight Up Sports:

Avery won the battle. He got the entire Devil team chasing him and going after him; leaving the likes of Jagr, Gomez, Henrik to do their thing. Even more irritating, Sean Avery had 3 goals and 2 assists in a series where he got the high holy hell kicked out of him. Not once did he retaliate, not once did he spear Brodeur BACK after one of several times Brodeur slashed and prodded him. The Devils, a lot like the Thrashers last year, seemed a lot more concerned with crosschecking, punching, and disgustingly, horse collaring people as opposed to actually playing hockey, and it cost them. I don't think this can be in dispute. Anyway, back to Avery.

He reads Vogue magazine. He goes to fashion shows. He paints his finger nails. He wears lame hats. He walks around like a hard ass. He spends $300 on t shirts. I'd bet I'll see him at Tonic East on Saturday Night wearing a pink popped collar shirt once the season ends. He probably cuts off little old ladies flying down the Henry Hudson in his convertible. He typifies everything there is to hate about the stereotypical New Yorker.

Yes, Avery took 3 minor penalties in the series, but that's about par for the course when he's around. He didn't get into any fights, and was generally good at not putting the Rangers shorthanded TOO often.

The Rangers next opponent would be wise to see just how much trouble Avery caused the Devils, and learn to ignore his wisecracks. Yes, it can be hard to resist slapping the shit-eating grin off Sean's stubbly face, but it has to be done.

The more Avery succeeds at getting under your skin, the more he'll crank up the volume of crap he spews out of his sewer mouth.

So, I will give props to Avery for disrupting the usually unflappable Devils so well, but I still want him to paralyzed by an anvil dropped by Wile E. Coyote.

The Rangers Aren't Be-Deviled

by Jes

In my First Round predictions, I gave the New York Rangers little chance and little credit in their ability to beat the New Jersey Devils.

With the Devils on the brink, I obviously have quite a lot of egg on my face.

Admittedly, I don't follow the Devils or Rangers all that closely, since they are far in the East and both not very interesting to watch. Thus, perhaps I should have given more credit to Tom Renney for turning his club into a defensive juggernaught, and getting guys like Chris Drury, Scott Gomez, and Jaromir Jagr to buy into his choking system.

In his preview for FanHouse, Greg Wyshynski, a noted Devils fan, wasn't too upbeat about his team's chance at getting past the first round. Despite some decent names on the Devils roster, Greg thought the Devils lack of offence would come back to bite them.

Certainly, 9 goals in 4 games isn't going to do the trick offensively, but the Devils are a collective -31 in these 4 games, something unheard of in New Jersey Devils hockey since the Mickey Mouse days.

Tongue-in-cheek, Southern Correspondent Wayne asks "The team that has few fans is now down 3-1...Will Lou Lamoriello axe Brent Sutter before game 5 to fire up his team?"

Somehow, I wouldn't be shocked :/

I suppose the Rangers goal scoring woes this season blinded me to the fact that they do, in fact, have a lot more talent up front than the Devils. Shanahan, Jagr, Gomez, Drury, Straka vs. Elias, Madden, Parise, and Langenbrunner...it's no contest.

I suppose, from an outsider's perspective, I can blame the Devils woes on goaltending. It's simplistic, but look at the other stats.

Power Plays - Both teams are at 20%
Penalty Killing - Both teams are at 80%, with the Rangers even shorthanded 5 more times than the Devils
Shots on goal - 124 to 117
Faceoffs - Both teams are near 50%

So, we go to goaltending... Martin Brodeur? A 90.4SV% is well below average, and not the type of golden goaltending we're used to seeing from the man with the golden horseshoe up his ass. Lundqvist? He's at 92.4% after struggling for much of the regular season.

Whatever the case may be, the Rangers are one win away from sweeping aside the Devils, and booting me in the groin for not giving them enough credit.

Sean Avery: Rejected!

by Jes

Despite the fact that Sean Avery seems to score a lot of celebrity ass, it appears that his fame and name recognition doesn't go as far as the yappy winger seems to think it does.

From the New York Daily News, we get the real scoop ...

The New York Rangers celebrated their 5-2 victory over the Ottawa Senators Saturday night at Bungalow 8, where injured forward Sean Avery showed up with a sling on one hand and black nail polish on the other. The Blueshirts had originally hit up Buddha Bar but were denied entrance.

"F- this place! We're never coming here again!" screamed the Rangers' flack when the bouncer said he didn't know or care who the hometown heroes were. Guess he's an Isles fan!

... or, perhaps the bouncer did know who Sean Avery was, and wanted to deliver a nice blow to Sean's massive ego. OH!

and black nail polish? Has he been letting Mary-Kate paint his fingernails?

Oh, the rest of the NHL has so much good stuff to use against Avery the next time the little bitch starts flapping his gums.

New York Ranger$ Can't Buy Success

Not too long ago, the New York Rangers were a team full of high-priced superstars that lacked cohesion and a work ethic and continually missed the playoffs. Ah, those were the days.

Thanks in large part to Mark Messier's ego and need to play 18-minute a night when he was clearly outmatched, the Rangers never did collectively perform to the level of each individual player's ability added up. Lesser squads did far more with less talent, while the Rangers simply tried to fix problems by throwing more money in the fire.

After the lockout, the Rangers seemed to 'get it'. They let some of their young kids, such as Tyutin, Prucha, and Ortmeyer, get some key ice time. The Rangers used their money to sign 'smart' free agents, such as Marek Malik, and Brendan Shanahan, to fairly cheap deals. We saw the Rangers actually *gasp* make the playoffs and look like a pretty competitive team.

Then, the salary cap was raised, and suddenly the Rangers reverted back to form. We saw the Rangers sign some expensive contracts, some of the awful variety. Clearly, Glen Sather, free of some financial restraints, did not learn from his past mistakes.

Aaron Ward - $5.5mil over 2 seasons
Matt Cullen - $11.2mil for 4 seasons, and then they send him back to the Canes.
Scott Gomez - $51.5mil over 7 seasons.
Chris Drury - $35.25mil over 5 seasons.

The Rangers figured they could steal some karma from the Canes after the magical Raleigh run. While signing Ward wasn't a horrible deal, signing a 3-year line forward, as Cullen was, to that sort of deal with just nutso.

Figuring they ought to get some prime talent, instead, the Rangers spent a lot of money on a hard-to-coach playmaking centerman and a dearly overrated 2nd-line pivot, instead of re-signing Michael Nylander, a player who clearly meshed with the hard-to-please Jaromir Jagr.

The entire result of this has been a drought of African proportions. After last night's 1-0 loss to the Penguins, a team that has troubles stopping goals, the Rangers now find themselves having gone 2 games without a goal, and struggling with just 13 goals for in 8 games, by far the worst such totals in the league.

Yes, the Rangers can't even get 2 goals a game, despite having more talent, up front, than many other teams.

Let's assess the damage
Jaromir Jagr: 8GP 1-7-8
Chris Drury: 8GP 1-5-6
Scott Gomez: 8GP 2-1-3 (just 1 assist?)
Martin Straka: 7GP 2-1-3
Brendan Shanahan: 8GP 1-1-2 (WTF?)
Petr Prucha: 8GP 1-0-1

So, despite the fact that evil Swede Henrik Lundqvist is doing a great job in the nets (92.7SV%), the Rangers are 2-5-1 and generate just 21 shots on goal per game.

If I had to theorize as to what is wrong with the Rangers, it appears that they have a lot of finesse and little grit on their scoring lines. Clearly, there are a lot of egos to be stroked and few are willing to pay the physical price to get 'er done.

One weird stat that pops out is that Shanahan has 50 shots on goal in his 8 games, so he's clearly getting his chances. Of all of the players that should bounce back, he ought to be the one.