Sean Avery: YOU GONE!

Some strange breaking news this morning as Sean Avery, our 'favourite' son of a bitch, will be out for the remainder of the season with a broken spleen.

As JP (Japers Rink) remarked, one wonders why it took THIS long for Martin Brodeur to get out his Avery voodoo doll.

Sean Avery has a lacerated spleen and will be out for the remainder of the season.

The laceration was detected with a CT scan after Avery was taken to hospital directly following Game 3 with the Penguins.

"He's stable and everything is going to be okay," a team source told TSN.

Avery suffered the injury during Game 3 but the Rangers are unsure of exactly when it occurred. The winger's pain got continuously worse during the game and became more of an issue when play concluded. Team doctor, Dr. Andrew Feldman, suspected Avery had suffered an injury to his spleen and the pair were driven to hospital. Avery entered the hospital under his own power.

Now, I'm not going to be one of those patsy types who is going to feel sorry for Avery. Yes, I know the PC thing to do is to say, "Well, no matter how much of an asshole he is, I'd never wish this upon him."

To that, I say you are full of shit. Call this Karmic justice, or just desserts, because Avery is certainly the type of fellow that could use this type of humbling. Given how much of a shallow ass Avery really is, I'm not feeling one ounce of sympathy for him.

When Forsberg had a similar spleen accident, I actually did feel for him in some manner. As much as I dislike Forsberg's diving antics and hate him for killing the Canucks again and again, I can respect him as an individual and admire him for his courage and tenacity. With Avery, I feel none of that. He's an asshole, plain and simple.

Now, another twist to this story is the tabloid NY Daily News and their coverage of this incident.

At one point, they claimed Avery was not breathing (!), and then, as the morning progressed, kept changing their story as the REAL details flowed in. As per TSN's story, Avery arrived under his own power, and was not about to die, as the NY Daily News might want you to believe.

This screenshot was captured by FanHouse's Matt Saler. Interesting ...

Sean Avery: YOU GONE!

Some strange breaking news this morning as Sean Avery, our 'favourite' son of a bitch, will be out for the remainder of the season with a broken spleen.

As JP (Japers Rink) remarked, one wonders why it took THIS long for Martin Brodeur to get out his Avery voodoo doll.

Sean Avery has a lacerated spleen and will be out for the remainder of the season.

The laceration was detected with a CT scan after Avery was taken to hospital directly following Game 3 with the Penguins.

"He's stable and everything is going to be okay," a team source told TSN.

Avery suffered the injury during Game 3 but the Rangers are unsure of exactly when it occurred. The winger's pain got continuously worse during the game and became more of an issue when play concluded. Team doctor, Dr. Andrew Feldman, suspected Avery had suffered an injury to his spleen and the pair were driven to hospital. Avery entered the hospital under his own power.

Now, I'm not going to be one of those patsy types who is going to feel sorry for Avery. Yes, I know the PC thing to do is to say, "Well, no matter how much of an asshole he is, I'd never wish this upon him."

To that, I say you are full of shit. Call this Karmic justice, or just desserts, because Avery is certainly the type of fellow that could use this type of humbling. Given how much of a shallow ass Avery really is, I'm not feeling one ounce of sympathy for him.

When Forsberg had a similar spleen accident, I actually did feel for him in some manner. As much as I dislike Forsberg's diving antics and hate him for killing the Canucks again and again, I can respect him as an individual and admire him for his courage and tenacity. With Avery, I feel none of that. He's an asshole, plain and simple.

Now, another twist to this story is the tabloid NY Daily News and their coverage of this incident.

At one point, they claimed Avery was not breathing (!), and then, as the morning progressed, kept changing their story as the REAL details flowed in. As per TSN's story, Avery arrived under his own power, and was not about to die, as the NY Daily News might want you to believe.

This screenshot was captured by FanHouse's Matt Saler. Interesting ...

Monday Morning Musings

I know I haven't given Dallas any credit this post-season, and they continue to win and win and win against good teams. I never expected their passive-Eurochoke style would work against the physical beasts like San Jose and Anaheim, yet the Stars are just 2 wins away from facing the Red Wings in the Conference final (As if Colorado has a chance)

I always felt Detroit could be exploited by either Anaheim or San Jose, but they might get lucky and not have to face the two teams that would likely give them the most trouble. If that is the case, their Stanley Cup chances look pretty damn good.

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Don't cry for Sean Avery once his Ranger$ get knocked out by the Pens (not that I'd expect you to), because he has a great summer job lined up!

Meet Sean Avery, Fashion Intern.

Avery, who makes $2 million a year with the Rangers and has cavorted with starlets since his days with the Los Angeles Kings, initiated the contact with Vogue editor Anna Wintour. "He is ridiculously obsessed with fashion," Avery's publicist Nicole Chabot told ABCNews.com. "He loves it more than anything in the world. It's something he has always wanted to do."

Chabot admits Avery is an agitator in the "old-style" of hockey and a "blabber mouth," but off ice the player is "surprisingly articulate, creative and savvy," she said. He's also charming, she noted. "There is not a woman that doesn't fall in love with him in five minutes."

Just the perfect profession for a self-centered shallow guy like Avery. Ridiculously obsessed with fashion? Apparently, that doesn't count for the unfashionable moronic comments that come out of his mouth.

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Ritch, The American Hockey Fan, has decided to mimic the teams he cheers for, and has become the American Golf Fan. WTF?

So, after some soul searching (and some head-scratching) we've decided to unveil the exciting new format you see in the header above. So keep us bookmarked, America - don't forget to check in for our thoughts on the Players Championship, the U.S. Open, and the John Deere Classic, as well as Ritch's special series on whether this Tiger Woods kid is the real deal.

That's right, it's American Golf Fan all summer long...or at least until we break down and tune back in to the playoffs. Or, failing that, September, when we start our annual complaining about whether or not pre-season hockey is worth watching.

How about discussion on whether Payne Stewart-type high socks will be the new IN trend this summer?

I will never understand how anyone can actually enjoy WATCHING Golf on TV. My gramma loves the stuff, and, as much as I've tried, I can't get one iota of joy out of watching a bunch of rich white assholes (and the token black guys Tiger and Vijay) whack a tiny ball into a tiny hole 400 yards away.

(Carlin Mode) No matter which way you slice it, golf is an elitist game that takes up far too much good land for the sole purpose of providing wealthy assholes a forum to discuss business deals that divide up the country between the wealthiest citizens. Bomb the golf courses and turn them into low-cost housing. Oh, and bomb Yaletown, too. And Coal Harbour. What a Yuppie-generic waste of space that place is.

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Photo of the Day: A crafty and witty Flyers fan (as witty as they can get, really) came up with this t-shirt for the Flyers/Caps series. Despite the total mispronunciation of Semin's surname, the shirt still works.


Talking to Earl Sleek (Battle of California fame), he wasn't all that impressed.

I'll never be impressed by player-name-slogans. Not since the 90s, when some anti-Buffalo fan had a sign that said: "HASEK, YOU SMEHLIK LIKE ZHITNIK".

As far as I'm concerned, that's the be-all, end-all to name manipulation.

Canucks Go With Gillis

When the Canucks fired No-Balls Nonis, Slumlord Aquilini claimed that the Canucks would look long and hard for a guy with lots of experience.

Well, after a very brief "search", the Canucks are hiring a guy with absolutely no NHL managerial experience: Superagent Mike Gillis.

Listening to Neil MacRae on CKNW this morning, I actually agree (mostly) with what he says: Aquilini appears to be nothing more than a jock-sniffing moron who loves the prestige of hanging around with NHLers and ex-NHLers like GINO! Odjick and the Courtnall brothers (who are also developer thieves).

Waiting for Stanley:

I'm not so sure yet. Zero GM track record. He had better be fucking smart. I don't want the Canucks to turn into a big joke. It's already enough of a fucking circus around there already.
A press conference will be held tomorrow by Mr. Aquilini to make the announcement. He had no comment

Let's see, Mike Gillis has ...
Never hired a coach
Never fired a coach
Never been involved in a draft decision
Never been involved with a trade decision
Never managed a hockey club at any level
Never gonna give you up (whoops)

Yes, I know his agent pedigree is very good (Look at the $ he got for Holik!), and he probably knows the CBA inside and out, but it's a far different job to run an entire hockey club than it is to take GM's over the coals to get more money for clients. Just because Gillis is a great agent doesn't mean he'll be a good GM.

I bet the fix was probably in from the start, and Aquilini, listening to the advice of his hockey player buddies, wanted Gillis all along.

Instead of taking the time, which the Canucks had, to find and hire the BEST candidate, the Canucks go out and get Mike Gillis, a guy with no track record, to run a club in a fragile state.

*sigh*

Things aren't looking good around here.

Sidney Crosby: His Crap Works!

by Jes

It's rather well known to my 5-6 readers that Sean Avery is one of my least-favourite players. It's one thing to be a pest, but it's another to be an annoying douchebag with few redeeming qualities. I would NOT want to be a teammate of Sean Avery, no matter how many goals he might score when he puts his mind to it.

That said, I have to respect the fact that he absolutely rocked the New Jersey Devils with his motor-mouth and some big goals. I didn't think the Rangers could beat the Devils, but combine Avery's pestiness with Brodeur's craptastic netminding, and you had the round's first upset.

The only way a bitch like Avery can win is if you acknowledge his presence and let him 'win' the verbal battles. Ignore him, and he'll grow bored once he realizes that you aren't going to play that way.

The New Jersey Devils, especially coach Sutter and Brodeur, were so fixiated on what Avery was doing that they were both extremely off of their games. Brodeur should have been much better than he was, but he was obviously flustered and too hot-headed to make the saves he needed to make.

Per Straight Up Sports:

Avery won the battle. He got the entire Devil team chasing him and going after him; leaving the likes of Jagr, Gomez, Henrik to do their thing. Even more irritating, Sean Avery had 3 goals and 2 assists in a series where he got the high holy hell kicked out of him. Not once did he retaliate, not once did he spear Brodeur BACK after one of several times Brodeur slashed and prodded him. The Devils, a lot like the Thrashers last year, seemed a lot more concerned with crosschecking, punching, and disgustingly, horse collaring people as opposed to actually playing hockey, and it cost them. I don't think this can be in dispute. Anyway, back to Avery.

He reads Vogue magazine. He goes to fashion shows. He paints his finger nails. He wears lame hats. He walks around like a hard ass. He spends $300 on t shirts. I'd bet I'll see him at Tonic East on Saturday Night wearing a pink popped collar shirt once the season ends. He probably cuts off little old ladies flying down the Henry Hudson in his convertible. He typifies everything there is to hate about the stereotypical New Yorker.

Yes, Avery took 3 minor penalties in the series, but that's about par for the course when he's around. He didn't get into any fights, and was generally good at not putting the Rangers shorthanded TOO often.

The Rangers next opponent would be wise to see just how much trouble Avery caused the Devils, and learn to ignore his wisecracks. Yes, it can be hard to resist slapping the shit-eating grin off Sean's stubbly face, but it has to be done.

The more Avery succeeds at getting under your skin, the more he'll crank up the volume of crap he spews out of his sewer mouth.

So, I will give props to Avery for disrupting the usually unflappable Devils so well, but I still want him to paralyzed by an anvil dropped by Wile E. Coyote.

The Rangers Aren't Be-Deviled

by Jes

In my First Round predictions, I gave the New York Rangers little chance and little credit in their ability to beat the New Jersey Devils.

With the Devils on the brink, I obviously have quite a lot of egg on my face.

Admittedly, I don't follow the Devils or Rangers all that closely, since they are far in the East and both not very interesting to watch. Thus, perhaps I should have given more credit to Tom Renney for turning his club into a defensive juggernaught, and getting guys like Chris Drury, Scott Gomez, and Jaromir Jagr to buy into his choking system.

In his preview for FanHouse, Greg Wyshynski, a noted Devils fan, wasn't too upbeat about his team's chance at getting past the first round. Despite some decent names on the Devils roster, Greg thought the Devils lack of offence would come back to bite them.

Certainly, 9 goals in 4 games isn't going to do the trick offensively, but the Devils are a collective -31 in these 4 games, something unheard of in New Jersey Devils hockey since the Mickey Mouse days.

Tongue-in-cheek, Southern Correspondent Wayne asks "The team that has few fans is now down 3-1...Will Lou Lamoriello axe Brent Sutter before game 5 to fire up his team?"

Somehow, I wouldn't be shocked :/

I suppose the Rangers goal scoring woes this season blinded me to the fact that they do, in fact, have a lot more talent up front than the Devils. Shanahan, Jagr, Gomez, Drury, Straka vs. Elias, Madden, Parise, and Langenbrunner...it's no contest.

I suppose, from an outsider's perspective, I can blame the Devils woes on goaltending. It's simplistic, but look at the other stats.

Power Plays - Both teams are at 20%
Penalty Killing - Both teams are at 80%, with the Rangers even shorthanded 5 more times than the Devils
Shots on goal - 124 to 117
Faceoffs - Both teams are near 50%

So, we go to goaltending... Martin Brodeur? A 90.4SV% is well below average, and not the type of golden goaltending we're used to seeing from the man with the golden horseshoe up his ass. Lundqvist? He's at 92.4% after struggling for much of the regular season.

Whatever the case may be, the Rangers are one win away from sweeping aside the Devils, and booting me in the groin for not giving them enough credit.

Canucks Fire Dave Nonis

Well, my day was certainly brightened when I heard the news that Dave "No Balls" Nonis was canned as GM (and various other inflated titles) of the Vancouver Canucks.

Finally, some good news around here! The poor Vancouver Giants were knocked out of the WHL playoffs :(

So, Nonis is gone, and now rumours are floating about who will be his replacement ... Brian Burke, Ken Holland, Jim Nill ... basically, a lot of people around here are doing a lot of dreaming.

I just really hope it's not a promotion for Steve "Tamborine", since he's part of the old guard that helped put the Canucks in the muck they are in.

Now, I don’t want to totally kick Nonis while he is down. The man is obviously very bright and was a good soldier for the Canucks for many years.

Nonis was great as an Assistant GM (a position which he is much more suited for) under Brian Burke, negotiating contracts and doing the heavy legal work. If I were hiring an assistant GM, Nonis would be near the top of my list.

Yes, we know Mike Keenan was desperate to get Todd Bertuzzi, but give Nonis props for one of the most lopsided trades in NHL history. Pilfering Luongo out of Florida will always be Nonis' legacy.

Yet, in the end, Nonis could just not get the job done. The team continued to get worse and worse and doesn't exactly have a bright future looming over the horizon.

Everyone and their mother knew the Canucks needed offensive help this off-season, and then he goes out and signs Brad Isbister and Byron Ritchie. WTF?

Marc Chouinard? That's the type of low-skilled player Nonis is notorious for signing, and a big reason why the Canucks are loaded with lots of B-grade talent.

The Canucks have a lot of salary cap room this off-season, which is why now is the perfect time to get a GM who is assertive and has a plan. Nonis was simply too content to stay with the core group that was left to him, and too afraid to make any real changes to the roster, save for the Luongo deal. The new owners could obviously see that Nonis is not the guy you want when big decisions have to be made.

Nonis, to me, is a great business executive, but a poor hockey man. An NHL GM needs to be an astute hockey man, or have staff on hand that are. Nonis doesn't appear to be a wise judge of hockey talent, and lacked the staff on hand to support his weakness. The Canucks' scouting department is definitely below-average, and wasn't giving Nonis enough to work with in terms of talent evaluation. Very few good NHL GM's lack the talent evaluation aspect that Nonis appears to have.

So, today is a good day for Canucks fans, and let us hope that Nonis' replacement will know how to fix this club.

Don't feel too bad for Nonis ... he'll land on his feet. He's got too much knowledge of the business side of things to be unemployed for long.

Wayne's World: Our Southern Correspondent chips in.

The Vancouver 'Nucks fired their GM yesterday; when the hell will Atlanta Spirit get off their collective asses and fire Waddell and McCrimmon...after the Hawks get swept by the Celtics, so that they can get the big broom out and can everybody with both teams???

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if Waddell comes back as GM, I'm not rooting for the Thrasher next season...

Well, the Thrashees have let it be well known that Waddell's job is safe. I guess Wayne will have to join another bandwagon next season.

MLSE Scams Ticket Buyers, World Yawns

by Jes

The Toronto Maple Leafs organization just continues to be one of the very worst in all of professional sports. To the days of Harold Ballard to the constant inept too-many-cooks management to corrupt employees, the Maple Leafs are just one gigantic joke.

The latest blight to come from Hogtown is a delicious little ticket scam that a few employees develops to 'cash' in on some hockey-starved fans.

From the Toronto Star:

Rob Tanguay thought it was odd when a Toronto Maple Leafs employee told him to bring an envelope stuffed with $5,000 in cash to a truck stop in Milton to help cover the cost of hockey tickets.

A vice-president with a St. Thomas-based transportation company, Tanguay was a typical Leafs fan who figured he might never get his own season seats at the Air Canada Centre. He'd been on a waiting list for season tickets for some 15 years when, out of the blue, he received a call from a Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment sales employee last spring.

"He told me someone wanted to give up their seats and he had tried to reach three other people on the wait list. I was Number 4 and he asked if I was still interested in tickets," Tanguay said.

The seller was looking to dump a pair of tickets in the red section and wanted to sell the personal-seat licences for $20,000 apiece, Tanguay said. There was one hitch: Tanguay said the MLSE employee wanted him to bring $5,000 in cash – at the seller's request – to cement the deal.

"After I bought the tickets, I looked up the seller's name on Canada411.com and contacted him, asking whether he'd received the cash," Tanguay said. "He hadn't. I knew right then I'd been scammed. I called (the MLSE employee) back and asked why he had wanted the $5,000 and he told me that the seller was lying and he had given him the cash. I didn't believe him but I didn't do anything about it at the time."

Reached at his home, the MLSE sales employee declined to comment. He is one of five employees in the MLSE ticketing department who were fired 10 days ago.

Now, this Tanguay guys doesn't seem like the dullest knife in the drawer, so he must have been some kind of desparate to have been scammed like this.

How could ANYONE actually think that you'd have to meet an employee at a TRUCK STOP, and not an official office, and exchange cold hard CASH, and not think something is fishy is beyond me. Yet, Tanguay went through with the exchange as he was so hell-bent on getting his tickets. Sheesh.

Yes, I realize that these are the actions of a select few employees, but the Maple Leafs certainly didn't do a good job in screening these employees and keeping tabs on them. It speaks to the ineptness of the Leafs organization that stuff like this occurs, and that it takes an outsider to ring the alarm bells.

As an aside, PERSONAL SEAT LICENSES have to be one of the best legal scams in years. It's bad enough that you get gouged for just buying a regular ticket, but now a team can charge an extra fee just for having the ability to renew your season tickets year after year. What happened to customer loyalty? What happened to asking the guy if he just wants to renew or not? Sad....

Mediot of the Day: Don Brennan

by Jes


I've been asked why I spent so much time and energy ranting about the Mainstream Mediots that pollute our airwaves, papers, and internets.

Want a prime example? How about Don Brennan of the Ottawa Sun. Yes, that's him in the picture. I apologize if you should happen to vomit.

It's one thing for a blogger like me to spout out nonsense, since I not paid to post anything here, nor do I have a mass audience. I am the face of my own blog, and not the face of a publication.

Today's Mediot of the Day takes the cake as far as utter stupidity and false bravado.

First, he called on the Ottawa Senators to take out Sidney Crosby's ankles ala Bobby Clarke circa 1972. Classy.

Then, when Pens' enforcer Georges Laraques called Brennan out on his stupidity, Brennan penned this garbage...

Seem to have created quite a media uproar with my win-at-all-costs way of thinking and suggestions that the Senators test Sidney Crosby's previously injured ankle by giving it a good whack, eh. We'll spare you details and instead focus on those we are all actually here to cover. Like 6-foot-3, 245-lb. Penguins enforcer Laraque, whom last week we heard Wild tough guy Derek Boogaard refer to as "freakishly strong."

Big Georges, who was quoted as calling yours truly "stupid," had this gem yesterday when asked about Senators targeting Crosby's tender joint. "I thought Slapshot was a movie, not reality." And who didn't like that classic?

By (the way) Georges, stupid? Call me that to my face.

For guys like Brennan, they are being paid by a large newspaper chain, and expose a wide audience to their nonsense while making their employer look like idiots.

Yes, Brennan is the typical mediot who wants to make himself the story, rather than the players or the game. Why would the fans care about some balding reporter with a chip on his shoulder is beyond me, but obviously this doofus seems to think he's more important than he is.

Is it any wonder why newspaper subscriptions continue to dwindle?

Can you imagine what would happen if Georgie did walk up to Brennan and call him 'stupid'?

Yeah, Brennan would crap his pants, run away with his tail between his legs, and then write a column about how much of a thug Laraques is. *sigh*

Tell you what, Brennan, if I ever have the mispleasure of coming face-to-face with you, I'll call you 'stupid', and many other names. How about I take out your typing fingers with a hammer? Would you like that?

Bitch!

Practical Playoff Predictions

by Jes

With all of my heavy workload at work and school, and with the Canucks practicing their chip shots, I'm finding it hard to really get into the playoffs like I normally do.

That sucks, I know ... the best time of the year for hockey, and I'd need the hockey equivalent of Cialis to get me in the mood to watch the action on the ice.

Wayne, our Southern Correspondent, feels much the same way.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm just not feeling a buzz for this year's playoffs...I guess the only place in the U.S. where there would be palpable excitement would be Washington...

It used to be that the early rounds of the Cup playoffs were far more entertaining than the NBA's; but after the lockout, everything's now in the NBA's favor. Maybe it's Versus, I don't know...

If the NHL were a fast food, it would be Burger King french fries...

If the NHL were a TV sitcom, it would be "According to Jim"...

If the NHL were any other sport, it would be the PGA Tour MINUS Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson.

Well, that's rather harsh. Why aren't the NHL's first round match-ups entertaining? Hell, I can think of quite a few series that you ought to be watching.

Anyway, I might as well make some predictions and use my Jedi powers for something other than stealing Yu-Gi-Oh cards from schoolchildren.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Montreal (1) over Boston (8) in 5 games.
The Habs are a finely tuned machine, and the sum is greater than the yada yada yada. The Bruins are a surprise entrant into the playoffs, and will certainly be destroyed by Tomas Plekanec and the Montreal Power Play.

Pittsburgh (2) over Ottawa (7) in 7 games.
This should be a fun series to watch if you love goal scoring. Both the Sens and Pens have some of the most talented offenses in the NHL, and both teams have major question marks in goal.

Still, I'd go with the hot hand, and Crosby/Malkin is greater than Spezza/Heatley. The Sens are struggling, and are obviously mentally beat up.

Washington (3) over Philadelphia (6) in 6 games.
I don't think Philly is going to get away with murder as much as they want, and the Caps are just on frickin fire. With the addition of Huet and Fedorov, and Ovechkin on performance enhancers, the Flyers won't be able to keep up with the speedy Caps.

Good. Nobody wants Philly in there, anyway

New Jersey (4) over NY Rangers (5) in 7 games.
ZZZZ... the must-not-watch series of the first round pits two of the most defensive-minded teams in the league against each other. Thankfully, nobody outside of the New York area will be subjected to this dreck.

Martin Brodeur...never bet against him, especially when the Rangers' Henrik Lundqvist struggled most of the season.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Detroit (1) over Nashville (8) in 4 games.
I am not as high on Detroit as many others, but Nashville is not going to be the team to derail them. The Wings have a serious hole in goal, but should have no problem tearing the Preds a new one.

San Jose (2) over Calgary (7) in 6 games.
I did a preview of this series over at FanHouse. Suffice it to say, only fans of grinding, "Blue Collar" hockey will enjoy this series. Not fun to watch.

Minnesota (3) over Colorado (6) in 6 games.
As if I'd go against Demitra and Mr. Potatohead!

The Avs have a scary offence, but questionable goaltending. Minnesota, despite some hiccups, is still a far superior systematic team to the loosey-goosey Avalanche.

Ducks (4) over Dallas (5) in 5 games.
The Stars suck, and will choke in the playoffs once again. Turco is not that great of a goalie, and Mike Ribeiro is living off of an unusually high shot percentage. His scoring won't last ...

Ever since Scott Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne returned, the Ducks we know and hate are back to their old "beat em on the ice, beat em in the alley" ways that won them a cup last year.

So, not one upset pick in the bunch. Not that I don't think the Avs could beat the Wild, but I just don't see much upset potential in the first round.

Farewell, Trev

by Jes

I'll have more thoughts at a later date. For now, I've written a brief post over at FanHouse.

Time to mourn ... :(

Canucks Post-Mortum

by Jes

It was a good thing that the Canucks/Flames game was on Pay-Per-View, since I didn't have to witness the Canucks choking away another must-win game by failing to score more than a single goal against a weaker team.

It's also good that I've long been at peace with the fact that the Canucks weren't going anywhere this spring (other than golfing), so I didn't have much of an emotional investment in our city's professional hockey country club.

So, last night's loss booted the Canucks out of the playoff picture, and I barely flinched. Meh, nobody is really surprised, except Dave "No Action" Nonis.

Given my heavy workload with my CMA and actual day job, I haven't had time to worry so much about what the Canucks should do this off-season. There will be time for that, later.

In the meantime, we are lucky enough to have the Giants to cheer for, and I can always leap onto the Penguins/Crosby bandwagon. Wouldn't it be sweet if the Pens and Caps met up in Round 1?

Since I don't feel inspired to write much more on this day of mourning, I figure I'd let my girlfriend, Aurian, have a crack at the blogmike and air out her thoughts on this wasted season

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Well, looks like it’s about time for the Canucks to put down their hockey sticks and pick up some golf clubs.

Can`t say I am surprised. Last year’s Canucks seemed to specialize in winning game after game at the last minute. This year’s Canucks’ speciality is blowing games and falling apart. Last year, they were buzzed at having a top-tier goaltender in the pipes and played their hearts out. This year, the Luongo buzz is over now and the team obviously expected the goalie to do the work for them.

Sorry, but even Louie can’t score goals.

The defence was decimated by injuries all season long, and did pretty well considering some games we only had 3 regular d-men in the line up.

The forwards? Well, you didn`t really expect Pettinger and Ibister to fix last year’s scoring issues did you? I don`t know why Nonis expected that. Sure, he rolled the dice and got lucky with Pyatt, but c’mon, you can`t expect to get lucky every time. The Sedins? Yeah, you try scoring when the other team knows all they have to do is dog pile two guys and you effectively take away the Canucks’ offense. Its sad when one of your team’s top six scoring leaders is Burrows (no knock on the guy, he`s an awesome find).

I have no idea why Vigneault kept leaving Linden out, given that the team seems to play better when he is in the line up. With all those overtime games lost, if we had Linden, our most reliable clutch guy in the line up on those nights, we might have squeaked into the playoffs.

You know something though? I`m glad they`re out of the playoffs. You heard me right. This team just couldn`t put together any string of wins lately, played stupid and listlessly, couldn`t seem to get any urgency going and I`m glad that they and the fans have been put out of their misery.

This team had some nice building blocks at the beginning of the season, but all Nonis did was sit on his thumbs and hope for the best, despite the clear lack of scoring. I am glad he did not trade away big assets during the trade deadline because by that point I honestly did not think the team had that something that made it appropriate to gamble for a Stanley Cup run. We could have lost Edler, Kesler and other important pieces for a future team in order to rent Brad Richards (bet the Stars love that fat contract now *snark*). The time to get the pieces should have been before the season started. Ibister? Richie? C`mon, it was clear we needed some scoring, dammit!

So the ‘Nucks are out. If Nonis does not do anything to fix the ongoing problem in the offseason, the fans will probably break out the pitchforks and boiling oil. Or being Vancouver, the pointy umbrellas and boiling Starbucks coffee.

Sabres Fan Sues Team, Gets No Sympathy From Blogger

by Jes

When you go to a hockey game, you know there is a small risk that you *might* get injured. We have netting at arenas, but the puck can still find its way into the stands once in awhile.

Also, we know that the glass can shatter or break from time to time. So, why is it that people feel like they can go to an NHL arena and fell 100% assured that everything will be OK. Hell, the teams go to good lengths to warn the fans that shit happens once in awhile.

Thus, this douchebag gets no sympathy from me. Just more human greed.

A prominent local English professor and arts critic is suing the Buffalo Sabres over injuries he suffered during a playoff game last year when a collision between two players sent a section of Plexiglas crashing on top on him.

Bruce Jackson, a longtime professor at the University at Buffalo and denizen of the local arts scene, filed suit against the professional hockey team Wednesday in State Supreme Court.

He is seeking an undisclosed amount in damages for pain and suffering because he contends the May 2007 incident caused severe neck injuries that continue to limit his mobility.

"The Plexiglas there, I thought it was there to protect me, not to injure me," Jackson told The News today

boo hoo frickin hoo!!

Has glass of ANY kind ever been failproof? No.

When you sit behind the glass of any NHL arena, you must know there is a slight risk that something bad will happen. That comes with the territory.

The fact that this idiot seems oblivious to that fact just speaks to his own stupidity. Then again, English professors are stuck up snobs with little common sense to guide them through the day.

No, I'm not happy that he was injured, but he should have known better than to sit behind the glass if he wanted to live a life free of 'any' danger.

Of course, the US law system is so fux0red that this moron will probably rake the team for a few hundred G's... *sigh*

Perhaps he'll get hit by a milk truck.

A Little Wine And Cheese

by Jes

Mediot of the Day: Michael Platt.

If you happen to be cheering for the road team at any NHL arena, it's not the best idea to get all lippy and annoying (although that doesn't stop the large mobs of Leafs and Habs fans from doing so). Given how much alcohol is consumed at sporting events, and how alpha male jackoffs allow their emotions to control their actions, it's best just to exercise some restraint when cheering on your team in another team's barn.

Still, there is no excuse for what happened in Calgary, as a bunch of drunken Flames fans took to beating an Oilers fan for being a little 'loud'.

With a broken nose and fractured cheek, Andrew Parker has learned a painful lesson about what can happen if you mouth off to strangers after a few beers.

Parker says he was walking near 18 Ave. and 4 St. S.W. early Sunday morning, still wearing his Oilers jersey, when a group of men in a nearby car started glaring at him.

Seeing their Flames' sweaters, and with a half-dozen bottles of malted courage in his system, 22-year-old Parker did something he now regrets: He yelled at the glowering men, saying something like, "How about those Flames."

The men took exception, got out of their car and gave Parker a good kicking, to borrow a phrase often used in Britain.

Is THAT really worth a beating? I supposed he said something a bit nastier. Still, nothing like that ever deserves a cowardly mob beatdown.

What irks me about this whole thing is the apologetic writing of this Michael Platt character, who seems to remind me of that macho sports jock that talks tough, but got his ass kicked around a lot in high school.

Witness the following crap he writes. Keep in mind that this is a major newspaper, and not some fan blog or rinky-dinky free paper.

But Parker's beating at the hands of a few cowardly yobs shouldn't be a collective black eye for Calgary, nor should it be misconstrued as a case of hockey fans turned hooligans at the sight of another team's colours.

Make that "alleged" beating, because we only have Parker's side of the story, so far. Police are working on the rest.


Oh, since he's an Oilers fan, he must be lying. Right.

But Calgary shouldn't think for a minute we are in danger of borrowing the British motive for such violence -- namely, one group of sports fans targeting another, for no reason other than wearing the wrong colours.

Parker was not targeted simply for wearing an Oilers jersey.

The Oilers jersey got him noticed, but Parker's mouth got him into trouble.

O RLY? Do you think these men would have stopped the car, got out of the car, and administered said beating if the guy wasn't a noticeable Oilers fan wearing Oilers colours? Gimme a break.

So, dude spends the whole column defending Calgary for the actions of these thugs, and basically expects someone should expect a beating any time they show their team's colours.

Now, do I believe Calgary is a bad place to watch hockey simply because of this incident? No, there are 100s of other, more important, reasons to dislike Calgary.

Sheesh.

----



The NHLPA, in a bid to make more money for its alumni, has come out with a series of wines with the likeness of legendary players. Hmm.

The NHL Alumni Association has rolled out a Signature Wine Series, a 12-bottle collection -- six Chardonnays, six Cabernet Sauvignons -- featuring the likeness of some of hockey's greatest players.

In Chicago, the two wines, produced by Ironstone Vineyards of Murphys, Calif., are Bobby Hull's "Golden Jet" 2007 Chardonnay and Tony Esposito's "Tony O" 2005 Cabernet. The wines are sold at Binny's and in the United Center's restaurants and suites.

Given Hull's problems with alcoholism, was it really wise to give him a wine to endorse?

I can imagine the Bobby Hull wine has a hell of a kick, and will get your seriously drunk. Best drunk in a big shot glass. Try not to fight with your children, afterwards.

Tony Esposito? A solid red wine, but you will be 'shut out' when the ladies see you drinking this.

How about a Phil Esposito wine? In remembrance of his tendency to take shifts that were 1-2 minutes too long, this hearty red wine has a serious long aftertaste that takes away from its delicious flavour.

Bobby Orr? A very limited edition white wine that is superior to all other wines, but very hard to find as it was only made for a brief period in the 70s. The red version from the late 70s is disgusting, and should have never been made.

How about a Ron DuGuay white wine? This is great for getting ladies drunk and loosened up. It worked on Cher!

A Tribute to Peter Forsberg

by Jes

Despite the fact that I deride Swedish hockey players, I've always had a serious man-crush on Peter Mattias Forsberg. If I had to look like a celebrity, I'd choose Forsberg, or Jiri Slegr. (We're no strangers to love)

What defines the standard 'Canadian' hockey player that we hold in such high regard? Looking at Forsberg, he's probably the most Canadian hockey player of all time.

You know the rules, and so do I: Drive, heart, grit, determination ... Forsberg has all of that. Who else could come back from a broken ankle, broken spleen, and the numerous other injuries to be as effective as Forsberg. Mere mortals would have given up, but Peter Forsberg is no mortal.

Despite all of the pain, he'll never give up.

Clutch? Forsberg is that. We know he's one of the best NHL playoff performers of all time, and we can't forget how he pwned Canada at the 1994 Olympic Winter Games.

Selflessness? Yep. Forsberg dishes out plenty of assists, and always looks to set up his friends, rather than selfishly shoot the puck like Alexander Ovechkin or Pavel Bure. In terms of team players, Forsberg has always given it his all and never worried about personal glory. A full commitment, is what I'm thinking of.

Let's took a look back at the career of Peter The Great. You wouldn't get this from any other guy.

---

Peter Forsberg, is one of the most easily recognized names in the sport of ice hockey. He was a great from the minute he joined the NHL in regular season, but he was driven far above the rest when he played (and helped win) the Stanley Cup Playoffs while suffering from internal bleeding from a ruptured spleen. After winning the Cup he landed in the hospital to have it removed.

The next season, Forsberg virtually disappeared. The following season he brushed off the Avalanche (and the $11-million paycheck) because he didn't think he was prepared to get back into the game. The game we all love, the game Peter loves, had taken its toll. Forsberg headed home to frozen Sweden in a town so far north that it has only hours of moderate daylight in winter. Most of us were resigned to Peter being gone from the game -- a thought we hated but could not affect. I remember when ESPN's article, "Finding Forsberg" came out... I wasn't sure if I wanted them to find him or to leave him alone.

Peter is the essence of hockey. He is an outstanding two-way player with grit and determination and a true love and passion for the game. When the Hockey Gods got together to create the mold Peter eventually became, they knew it was a one-shot deal... Forsberg is a one-of-a-kind.

...and now that the Canucks are basically going to flop in the playoffs (Should they make it), I can finally jump on the Avalanche bandwagon and outwardly appreciate Peter, rather than curse his name outwardly while inwardly coveting him.

Accomplishments:

Only Swedish player to have won the Stanley Cup, World Championship, and Olympic Hockey Gold on two occasions.

Drafted by the Philadelphia Flyers as the 6th pick in the 1991 NHL Draft.

Traded to Quebec Nordiques for Eric Lindros (et al)

Scored the penalty-shot goal that won Sweden the Gold in the Winter Olympics in 1994

Played first NHL season in 1994-95 (strike-shortened season) grabbing 50 points and the Calder Trophy

In 1995, became a Colorado Avalanche when the Nordiques moved to Colorado, scored 116 points during the regular season and 21 points in 22 games to help win the Stanley Cup

2001 heralded a second Stanley Cup with the Avalanche but a ruptured spleen for Forsberg

In 2002-2003 Forsberg led the league with 106 points and awarded the Hart Trophy

Material shamelessly stolen from 'hockeychic'